Jokes about rape are never funny. Some people (surprisingly) don't know that.

The other day I was at a friend's house, and somehow a conversation about Jane Doe and the balcony rapist began.

I got very excited, because Jane Doe is an amazing woman. She set a legal precedent by suing the Metropolitan Toronto Police and winning!!

However, it was quite upsetting to hear some of the opinions of my friends on this matter. The females in the room definitely agreed with my conception of what Jane did, and in particular, why it was so wrong of the police to not have warned the women in the neighborhood that there was a rapist in the area. Oh, yeah, and that she is fucking awesome.

but, the opinions of my male friends were quite different: one friend of mine agreed with the belief that women would be "hysterical" if they knew that there was a rapist on the loose. I couldn't believe this. I love my friends, and have the confidence that they will be able to identify, without any question, that this was so wrong. I don't think that the police needed to publish something in order to warn women, they could have done something as simple as going around individually to each apartment to warn women without causing any media frenzy that would likely scare off the rapist. However, this admittedly would take more time and more effort, and apparently, the safety of women was not valued by the police. How he could just endorse such a stereotype and huge generalization blew me away. I genuinely expected better of him...

In fact, one of my (male) friends said that "another woman had to get raped before they would catch him anyway. So why shouldn't it have been her?"

This is in fact, one of the comments that really upset me. It didn't have to be anyone. The rapist was caught before another woman was raped because Jane took things into her own hands and warned the neighborhood by postering it. And, what a surprise, the rapists parole officer identified him and he was arrested. But no, my friends did not think that this was an argument against the police's case that they had acted wrongly and immorally to all women in Toronto.

Not at all.

It was really quite upsetting to hear this coming out of educated people's mouths. Evenings like this remind me of the steretypes and ignorance that women, and in particular feminists, face every day. It is a cold and brutal reminder of the world's perception of women, rape, and sexism.

That the police were right in not warning the women. In not taking the time to ensure they could take the extra steps to protect themselves.

Anyhow, this gets even sadder.

As me and my sister and partner are about to leave for the evening, another of my friends says "Ok, now don't forget to check and lock your balcony." Very funny.

He says this, not considering that he doesn't know the history of the four women sitting in the room. He doesn't know if any of us have been victims of sexual violence. He doesn't know if any of us go to sleep every night fearing that one day someone will break into our house and it will be the end. He doesn't know though, he is the young and stupid one. So my partner says to me as we walk home... but I don't think that's an excuse. I should use it as a teaching moment but fear being pretentious. Consider it, but then consider that it's not even worth my breath on someone who won't even listen to what I'm saying or take it seriously.

It is mostly a joke that should never be made by anyone. Never make a joke about rape. It is never funny. Especially when 2 of the 4 women had experienced sexual violence... and that's only what I know!

It has been a couple days now that I've been thinking about this event. Rather than being mad, which I would really like to be, it has instead, made me very sad. It has made me very sad that these types of attitudes about women and rape still exist. Especially when sexual violence is so prevalent in our society. Sad and Lethargic... I need some sort of inspiration.

I fear that I am becoming tired, so tired. Why does everything need to be a fight? I am just growing so tired of fighting and am finding myself thinking how I just want to settle down, get a job, live my life, be happy, and most importantly, not fight... but somehow I don't think I have it in me... I might take a break from the fight, but I don't anticipate I could ever abandon it, give it up. But I am just so tired... I have to fight like this even with my friends...