New Colour

I thought I would change the colour of my blog because it has been said that it is much easier on the eyes if the background is dark and the writing is light. In fact, when I reformat my computer I intend to have it in the inverse in order for it to be easier for me to stare at for hours. Hopefully this will help me with the migranes I have been experiencing lately.

Jokes about rape are never funny. Some people (surprisingly) don't know that.

The other day I was at a friend's house, and somehow a conversation about Jane Doe and the balcony rapist began.

I got very excited, because Jane Doe is an amazing woman. She set a legal precedent by suing the Metropolitan Toronto Police and winning!!

However, it was quite upsetting to hear some of the opinions of my friends on this matter. The females in the room definitely agreed with my conception of what Jane did, and in particular, why it was so wrong of the police to not have warned the women in the neighborhood that there was a rapist in the area. Oh, yeah, and that she is fucking awesome.

but, the opinions of my male friends were quite different: one friend of mine agreed with the belief that women would be "hysterical" if they knew that there was a rapist on the loose. I couldn't believe this. I love my friends, and have the confidence that they will be able to identify, without any question, that this was so wrong. I don't think that the police needed to publish something in order to warn women, they could have done something as simple as going around individually to each apartment to warn women without causing any media frenzy that would likely scare off the rapist. However, this admittedly would take more time and more effort, and apparently, the safety of women was not valued by the police. How he could just endorse such a stereotype and huge generalization blew me away. I genuinely expected better of him...

In fact, one of my (male) friends said that "another woman had to get raped before they would catch him anyway. So why shouldn't it have been her?"

This is in fact, one of the comments that really upset me. It didn't have to be anyone. The rapist was caught before another woman was raped because Jane took things into her own hands and warned the neighborhood by postering it. And, what a surprise, the rapists parole officer identified him and he was arrested. But no, my friends did not think that this was an argument against the police's case that they had acted wrongly and immorally to all women in Toronto.

Not at all.

It was really quite upsetting to hear this coming out of educated people's mouths. Evenings like this remind me of the steretypes and ignorance that women, and in particular feminists, face every day. It is a cold and brutal reminder of the world's perception of women, rape, and sexism.

That the police were right in not warning the women. In not taking the time to ensure they could take the extra steps to protect themselves.

Anyhow, this gets even sadder.

As me and my sister and partner are about to leave for the evening, another of my friends says "Ok, now don't forget to check and lock your balcony." Very funny.

He says this, not considering that he doesn't know the history of the four women sitting in the room. He doesn't know if any of us have been victims of sexual violence. He doesn't know if any of us go to sleep every night fearing that one day someone will break into our house and it will be the end. He doesn't know though, he is the young and stupid one. So my partner says to me as we walk home... but I don't think that's an excuse. I should use it as a teaching moment but fear being pretentious. Consider it, but then consider that it's not even worth my breath on someone who won't even listen to what I'm saying or take it seriously.

It is mostly a joke that should never be made by anyone. Never make a joke about rape. It is never funny. Especially when 2 of the 4 women had experienced sexual violence... and that's only what I know!

It has been a couple days now that I've been thinking about this event. Rather than being mad, which I would really like to be, it has instead, made me very sad. It has made me very sad that these types of attitudes about women and rape still exist. Especially when sexual violence is so prevalent in our society. Sad and Lethargic... I need some sort of inspiration.

I fear that I am becoming tired, so tired. Why does everything need to be a fight? I am just growing so tired of fighting and am finding myself thinking how I just want to settle down, get a job, live my life, be happy, and most importantly, not fight... but somehow I don't think I have it in me... I might take a break from the fight, but I don't anticipate I could ever abandon it, give it up. But I am just so tired... I have to fight like this even with my friends...

Ahhh Contraceptive Conumdrum!

So, who would have thought that getting an IUD would have been so much work? Certainly not me, but it has been.

On reading week I went to see my family doctor. The first thing she told me was that, contrary to what my all-knowing gynecologist has said, the IUD is so small, that I would never feel it! Also, a pelvic ultrasound is unnecesary! She was able to show me a "sample" IUD, and told me that no one would have uterus that was too small for that IUD. I would conclude that such a circumstance is rare, not impossible, but she does it every day and says that it is not possible. Essentially my doctor told me that this doctor had gone out of her way to discourage me from the IUD, but not for legitimate reasons.

My doctor informed me that what the OB/GYN had told me was really quite untrue. I expect everything she had told me was a possibility in rare cases, but she made it seem as though these problems were immanent.

She did however tell me that she strongly discourages women who have never had a child before not to get an IUD because it increases your risk of eptopic pregnancy. I asked her by how much, she said it was small but she doesn't have the statistic. So, more questions! Does the IUD increase my risk of Eptopic pregnancy forever or just while the device is inserted? How much does the risk go up? does it go from 0.01% to 0.012% or does it go from 0.01% to 50%? I don't know!!!!

So, i feel better leaving my family doctor because I've got the straight truth, however, I don't know the specific stat, and only don't know if its a permanent effect or one just while the device is in so I still don't know how to make my decision...

Then, on the weekend I'm in Sobey's with Daniel to get some food etc for breakfast, and we go over to the pharmacy and what do we randomly see? Contraceptive sponges! They were like $8, so I think: "might as well try them!" and- I love them. They're not as inconvenient or messy as I thought they would be, and I don't have to fill my body with artificial hormones that could have some sort of long-term effect, and to be honest, it's really quite empowering! In the age of the pill and IUD and all this other Contraceptive technology, it feels almost subversive to pick up on this slowing dying, yet completely non-invasive/permanent method of birth control.

So, on Sunday we go back to Sobey's and I buy the last 2 remaining boxes of the sponges for fear that I'll never see them anywhere again, and then head off to Health Services this morning to make a doctor's appointment! I think we have a winner, and it'll be the diaphragm :)